Finally figuring myself out.

Hello all!!

I have been pretty on the go lately, but I am finding my time management skills are improving, giving me time to update this lovely little thing.

Have you ever found yourself wondering if you were making the most of your life and yourself? I have been asking myself this question for years and it is kind of sad, really. I thought I had my niche in high school, and it very well could have been for that stage of my life, but it did not work for me when I went out on my own. I'm slowly finding out who I am and who I want to be and it is amazing. I'm not a religious or spiritual person, but I am very blessed. I have some of the most amazing friends, despite our distance and time between visits, and the most loving, incredible family. I could not ask for better people to surround myself with. Today, I had my very first session with a client, ever, and it really clicked. I can do this. I can make mistakes, or have bad days, and still be the upbeat, friendly person I have been trying to find again. The last few years have been really rough on me and I feared that I was losing myself in all of life's tragedies and stresses. It turns out, I was just afraid of failure so much, that I never really let myself let go.

Moving out of my home state was terrifying and exciting and terrifying and beautiful. (Not grammatically correct, I'm totally okay with that!) It was a huge step and risk because I didn't know if it would work out. I honestly haven't been this happy or laughed as much as I have since we got here. I have always been a very sharing person. I would give you my last bite or my last dollar if it could help you out, but I'm finding that I am sharing a lot more of myself lately. I still don't like talking about myself, but I'm giving where I need to in order to create and maintain healthy relationships. I'm going through a sort of self-discovery phase, in a sense, and I have found that I really enjoy who I am. I definitely have some things I need to work on and I will never be perfect, but I will be okay with my flaws and start seeing them as ways to better myself rather than shortcomings.

I know this blog is called Mommy and Monster, but I think all moms need a way to release stress and to let other moms know that its okay to want time to yourself. Its okay to not always be Supermom or for your child to throw a tantrum in the grocery store because you won't give him a candy bar. If people judge you, so be it. We are judged so harshly by society and it is impossible to live up to those standards. Someone, somewhere is going to have something to say. So let them say it. Just don't let it get to you. As long as you love your kid(s), are doing your best, and have fun with them, you're good! Sometimes just being present and listening to them talk to you is enough. I am definitely not one to give parenting advice, but I have found that my little monster has more positive interaction with me now that I am not so stressed out. They really do sense your frustrations and insecurities and it weighs on their beautiful little hearts. Try not to let them see it. Its impossible to never be stressed out, but do your best to be as happy and positive around them as possible.

Before we moved, my monster would freak out, cry, throw tantrums, etc when I left. He was never left with someone I didn't know or trust. Yesterday was his first day at a daycare with a woman he had only met once before and he jumped right in. No crying, no leg clinging, just a "Bye Mommy. Have a good day. I love you." He did the same thing when I dropped him off today. He knows that we are both going to be okay.

Sorry I have kind of jumped around quite a bit, but I'm using writing as a stress reliever. Thanks for keeping up with me and being there for/with me through some of the toughest times in my life. I love you all.