It isn't about me anymore...

A friend of mine was talking about all of the things she wishes she could have done before having her son. Traveling... partying... college... etc... And I have read countless stories about young mothers having the same feelings. Even going as far as dumping their kids on relatives and babysitters, so they can go out every weekend. I understand wanting to have a social life. Believe me, I do, but it isn't about me anymore. It hasn't been about me since I first found out I was pregnant.

Pregnancy. There are tons of books and research done on the topic, but you never get the full story. For some women, pregnancy is a dream. No pain, no morning sickness, just the joy of feeling your baby grow and move. For others, like myself, it isn't such a walk in the park. Frankly, being pregnant sucked. Morning sickness is a terrible little devil that doesn't always go away and strikes any time of day or night, not only in the morning, as the name suggests. Heartburn is a beast and no amount of tums can take it away. Joint pains, waddling, backaches, headaches, feet swelling, not to mention being the size of a whale, are just a few of the other things expecting mothers can look forward to. However, it really is all worth it.

As a mother, no matter the age, we get to experience the purest form of love and adoration. despite the stretch marks, weight gain, lack of sleep, our children see us as the most beautiful, amazing person they have ever met. We are Moms. We have the least and highest paid job out there, but it is definitely the most important. We get to experience life first hand. Hearing it, seeing it, feeling it. We know that love at first sight, or even before actually meeting, is truly possible and so very strong. I won't lie, I cried like a baby when I first saw and held my little guy. It was literally the happiest, most surreal moment of my life. In the hospital, I kept looking over my shoulder thinking that the nurses were going to come in and say, "Just kidding, we'll take him back now." Obviously, I knew that wouldn't happen, but it did cross my mind.

Watching my little guy grow and learn is the most amazing thing I have ever seen. He astounds me every single day with new information that he's picked up. One thing I will say is that they really do pick up everything. It isn't always a good thing. Its been 3 wonderful years since Monster man graced us with his presence and despite not getting as much sleep as I would like, I wouldn't change a thing. Being a working mother, going to grad school online, and trying to manage a household make it very difficult to do everything I would like to do with my life and my family. However, my son has everything he needs and is learning the value of an education. I think its worth it. He is worth it. I will be forever grateful for having my son when I did because he has truly show me how amazing life can be.

Finally figuring myself out.

Hello all!!

I have been pretty on the go lately, but I am finding my time management skills are improving, giving me time to update this lovely little thing.

Have you ever found yourself wondering if you were making the most of your life and yourself? I have been asking myself this question for years and it is kind of sad, really. I thought I had my niche in high school, and it very well could have been for that stage of my life, but it did not work for me when I went out on my own. I'm slowly finding out who I am and who I want to be and it is amazing. I'm not a religious or spiritual person, but I am very blessed. I have some of the most amazing friends, despite our distance and time between visits, and the most loving, incredible family. I could not ask for better people to surround myself with. Today, I had my very first session with a client, ever, and it really clicked. I can do this. I can make mistakes, or have bad days, and still be the upbeat, friendly person I have been trying to find again. The last few years have been really rough on me and I feared that I was losing myself in all of life's tragedies and stresses. It turns out, I was just afraid of failure so much, that I never really let myself let go.

Moving out of my home state was terrifying and exciting and terrifying and beautiful. (Not grammatically correct, I'm totally okay with that!) It was a huge step and risk because I didn't know if it would work out. I honestly haven't been this happy or laughed as much as I have since we got here. I have always been a very sharing person. I would give you my last bite or my last dollar if it could help you out, but I'm finding that I am sharing a lot more of myself lately. I still don't like talking about myself, but I'm giving where I need to in order to create and maintain healthy relationships. I'm going through a sort of self-discovery phase, in a sense, and I have found that I really enjoy who I am. I definitely have some things I need to work on and I will never be perfect, but I will be okay with my flaws and start seeing them as ways to better myself rather than shortcomings.

I know this blog is called Mommy and Monster, but I think all moms need a way to release stress and to let other moms know that its okay to want time to yourself. Its okay to not always be Supermom or for your child to throw a tantrum in the grocery store because you won't give him a candy bar. If people judge you, so be it. We are judged so harshly by society and it is impossible to live up to those standards. Someone, somewhere is going to have something to say. So let them say it. Just don't let it get to you. As long as you love your kid(s), are doing your best, and have fun with them, you're good! Sometimes just being present and listening to them talk to you is enough. I am definitely not one to give parenting advice, but I have found that my little monster has more positive interaction with me now that I am not so stressed out. They really do sense your frustrations and insecurities and it weighs on their beautiful little hearts. Try not to let them see it. Its impossible to never be stressed out, but do your best to be as happy and positive around them as possible.

Before we moved, my monster would freak out, cry, throw tantrums, etc when I left. He was never left with someone I didn't know or trust. Yesterday was his first day at a daycare with a woman he had only met once before and he jumped right in. No crying, no leg clinging, just a "Bye Mommy. Have a good day. I love you." He did the same thing when I dropped him off today. He knows that we are both going to be okay.

Sorry I have kind of jumped around quite a bit, but I'm using writing as a stress reliever. Thanks for keeping up with me and being there for/with me through some of the toughest times in my life. I love you all.